Nathalie Martinek, Ph.D (Global Authority on Scapegoating at Work | Leadership Coach | Independent Researcher & Speaker), suggests that workplace scapegoating teaches you to monitor yourself because people suggest/accuse you of certain behaviours. This can start with comments like:
“You’re becoming defensive.”
-“You seem very emotional about this.”
-“People are finding you difficult to approach.”
-“You need to think about how you’re coming across.”
-“We’re trying to support you, but you keep pushing people away.”
-“You seem determined to see the worst in everyone.”
We all want to fit-in, so this can result in you questioning your behaviour:
-Maybe I should say less.
-Maybe that email sounded aggressive.
-Maybe I explained it badly.
-Maybe I’m making people uncomfortable.
-Maybe I should apologise so they know I’m reasonable.
-Maybe I really am the problem.
Natalie then goes on to suggest that you can edit emails that were already polite, rehearse ordinary conversations, apologise for raising legitimate concerns and monitor your expressions (to conform).
In turn as you monitor and change your behaviour you become defensive and adapting to please others, can become a self-fullfilling phropecy.
Gaslighting, as Natalie explains it can then ‘lead to people reinterpreting your behaviour, repeat those interpretations as fact and eventually train you to search yourself for evidence that they were right.’
This post was taken from a piece by Natalie Martinek on Linkedin